Oh Leggings, where would we be
without your elasticated stride?
The non believers do not agree that
you should be worn outside
For they, my dear, have never felt
your loving Lycra hug
For they, my friend, will not dare
to encase their legs so snug
Without you Leggings, I fear
I wouldn’t leave the house
The non believers doubt my intellect
that I haven’t any nouse
It pleases me no end dear Leggings,
that you enrage the delightful Liz Jones,
And you make me happier still
that I’m not a bag of bones
I’m your loyal follower, my friendship
will be forever tied
Why do you betray me, Leggings
And allow my bum to grow so wide?
Alas, my love for you will stay,
You and I dear Leggings, you are forever in my heart
As you give my thighs a hypnotic sway
We must never speak, of me bending over at playgroup and letting rip a massive fart.