Ode to Leggings

Oh Leggings, where would we be

without your elasticated stride?

The non believers do not agree that

you should be worn outside


For they, my dear, have never felt

your loving Lycra hug

For they, my friend, will not dare

to encase their legs so snug


Without you Leggings, I fear

I wouldn’t leave the house

The non believers doubt my intellect

that I haven’t any nouse


It pleases me no end dear Leggings,

that you enrage the delightful Liz Jones,

And you make me happier still

that I’m not a bag of bones


I’m your loyal follower, my friendship

will be forever tied

Why do you betray me, Leggings

And allow my bum to grow so wide?


Alas, my love for you will stay,

You and I dear Leggings, you are forever in my heart

As you give my thighs a hypnotic sway

We must never speak, of me bending over at playgroup and letting rip a massive fart.